Autism Rap Song
Here’s the fruit of the 2020 Blogrimage:
When our son was diagnosed with Autism, a lot of people told us not be sad. Just celebrate his uniqueness. Just trust God. Special people get special kids.
Even with these motivational statements, I still felt sad and felt guilty for feeling sad.
While I do celebrate his uniqueness, I've had to grieve the death of some dreams and expectations. He is 4 years old and still doesn't call me dad, play catch or do many of the things I've waited my whole life for.
For all the people with Autism in their lives who felt like their emotions, thoughts and feelings aren't valid, this song is a lament for you.
If you resonate with the song, click here for help:
itscalledautism.com
Lyrics:
Why can’t you understand me. Why can’t I understand you?
What can I do to get through to you?
Look at my new born child, healthy as can be.
Just kidding, he’s got a diagnosis nobody can see.
It’s called Autism, the spectrum that wrecked him, a prison within— I feel like I lost him.
His mind is a puzzle, but I’m the one in pieces, doctors say there’s no cure, so I pray to Jesus.
I’d never choose this kind of news.
If birth is a gamble, did I just lose?
It’s always a surprise when a dream dies, and you realize, it’s time to reprioritize.
And your happily ever, looks miserable forever, and there’s no hope your kid will ever get better.
I feel guilty for feeling sad. “Your is kid is special. Aren’t you glad.” A kid like Kodi Lee can’t be that bad.
He looks normal—used to speak 100 words, but lost them.
Didn’t vaccinate and he still got Autism.
Why can’t you understand me. Why can’t I understand you?
What can I do to get through to you?
Why can’t you understand me. Why can’t I understand you?
Oh can you see what I’m going through?
Sometimes I wonder, “What did I do wrong?" You acting normal didn’t last that long.
Now You destroy your room, and smear poop on the wall, I remember when you first learned how to crawl.
You used to smile and respond to my voice, now you don’t know where to look because of all the noise.
Sometimes I can’t stand seeing him.
He reminds me of the prayers God isn’t answering.
I’m trying to be a good father. Why bother? If I left, you’d find another.
What should I do when you scream for hours?
I wanted to be super dad but I lost my powers.
Sometimes I say life would be better without you, a coping mechanism for my broken heart coming through.
Before you judge and invalidate my feelings,
Would you love me and help this bleeding heart find healing.
Why can’t you understand me. Why can’t I understand you?
What can I do to get through to you?
Why can’t you understand me. Why can’t I understand you?
Oh can you see what I’m going through?
What’s going to happen after I die?
Tell me how to switch places, I Promise I’ll try.
Nothings for sure, still hoping for a cure, even when people judge me for thinking you’re not pure.
Gluten Free Dairy Free is anything but free--Supplements and protocols are costly.
They say Divorce comes eventually when ASD puts stress between your mom and me.
ABA therapy and evaluations are expensive
$60,000 dollars a year just to live?
This is insane—how can I get in that brain?
I’m sorry if my panic is causing you pain.
Maybe you're the strong and silent type, but you’re not that strong. Your a kid—this is wrong.
If you’re happy and you know it, say something
Even "I hate you" is better than nothing.
I know you’re not the only one. This is an epidemic taking all our sons
This feels like silence before the slaughter
Lord, please don’t let this happen to my daughter.
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Happy Autism Awareness Month,
Pradeepan
